I have gotten to a point in my life where I don't have to accept sub-standard people in my life. And by sub-standard I mean those who aren't genuine, those who put on a show for others but have no substance underneath it all ~ those who are phony and fake. I don't need or want people like that in my life.
I think there are times where we have to put on a show and be someone a little different from who we truly are. We have to be a little restrained at points in our lives because society dictates how we must behave in certain situations. There are roles we have to play when we are out and about in daily life.
There are also times when our behavior has truly gotten away from us and we have screwed up. We behaved in a way we never could have imagined, lived to regret it, apologized after and tried to make amends. There are times when we all can be somewhat of an ass, I think, but people make mistakes...no one is perfect and mistakes are a part of life.
But I am not talking about people like that and those kinds of situations. I understand when people have to take on a role for a certain situation. Stan, being in sales, has to take on a role when he is out with his customers. I understand it and he comes right back to himself when he hangs up the phone or steps out of his role. When he assumes his role his personality difference is not enormous. He just has to be "on" all the time when he is with his customers. I also understand when people behave outside of their normal personality. Lord knows I have behaved well outside of my norm before. But I have tried hard to right myself and have gone back to being the real me...a somewhat nice and fairly likable person. What I don't get are the people who present themselves to be forgiving or loyal and then turn on you. What I don't understand are the people who want you to believe they are kind and generous when they are really stingy and mean. What chaps my hide are the people who lead you to believe they are there for you but when the tide turns so do they. Those are the phonies and the fakes. They are the people I consider sub-standard. And those are the people who need not apply for friendship status in my life.
I want to teach my kids to avoid people like that. I went to our priest once asking for help forgiving someone. I was really struggling with forgiveness. He asked me why I couldn't forgive. He asked if I was jealous of who I couldn't forgive. He asked if I had any desire to change places the people I couldn't forgive. I honestly answered no to all of his questions...after all, he's my priest ~ I can't lie to my priest. He and I talked for quite some time to help me get to the point of forgiveness. We talked and talked and talked. Finally, he said "You know, some people are just 'schmoes' and you have to move on." I want to teach my kids to learn how to avoid the schmoes in life.
I think it's ok to teach our kids to be choosy about their friends. There is no reason for my kiddos to let fakes and phonies into their lives. I'm trying hard to teach my kids, through example, not to be mean or ugly to the schmoes in life. I tell my kids "you don't have to be best friends with everyone but you need to be kind." ~ there are times when I screw that lesson up ~ because, after all is said and done, I am not perfect!
But I think our kids need to know that some people are just schmoes and they need not apply.