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Friday, June 24, 2011

If Only...

A wise person once said, "Holding onto a resentment is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die."

I can't hold onto resentments anymore. They are a killer. I can look back on mistakes in my life and say "If only..." so I can grow and learn. But I can't carry grudges or resentments anymore.

Charles Dickens said "Reflect upon your present blessing, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

Right now, I chose to reflect on my present blessings, of which I have plenty. I wrote a piece this morning for www.perfectmamasconfess.com about gratitude. The feeling of gratitude has stuck with me all day. I am mightily blessed with the love of my family and for their love I couldn't be more grateful.

But my mood today is strange.

I sit here counting my blessing but also am feeling a little discombobulated because of an email Stanley received this morning. Some of you have read my blog "Family and Forgiveness" and know how I royally screwed up last summer. The email Stan received was about my mistakes and how, or if, we can fix the mess my mistakes caused. I have apologized but my apology has been rejected time and time again. So, for me, I am not sure what else I can do.

I have talked many other times in my past blogs about making mistakes, owning up to mistakes, letting go of grudges and the power of true forgiveness. I can still look back and think "If only..." so I can continue to grow and learn from my mistakes. But I won't sit and lament "If only..." because lamenting will get me nowhere so I will keep on focusing on my blessings. I will go on learning to forgive. I will keep on letting go of grudges. And hopefully, the example I set will be enough for the love of my children...

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