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Thursday, June 9, 2011

What I Wouldn't Do...

I was at a little gathering of tennis ladies last night and I remarked to one of my friends I hit 42 on my last birthday. My remark was overheard and caused the response "ooooh, what I wouldn't do to be 42 again." I don't think that applies to me, at least at this point in my life. Right now I don't want to go back to an age I used to be.

I know for a fact I don't want to go back to the teenage years with all of the teenage angst, drama and uncertainty of growing up. Maybe it was me. Maybe I was more filled with the angst and drama than others but I lived through those years once. Don't get me wrong, I loved being a teenager when I was a teenager. I loved being in high school but I don't feel an need to go back and do it again.

My college years were an absolute blast. If there were any time I would go back to it would be this time. I loved being young and carefree. I do love it when the college girl in me comes out and I can let my hair down but then it's time for her to be put away for a bit. I can revisit the college days without having to wish to go back.

The young married days were more than a good time. We had few responsibilities outside of each other. We had a plethora of friends. We waterskied every evening and weekend during the summer on Lake Tuttle in Manhattan, Kansas and we had an overabundance of free time to spend together or doing whatever we enjoyed. It was an idyllic time. I wouldn't mind going back to those times every now and again but I don't want to live there again.

I don't really remember my late 20's into my mid 30's. We were busy building a family. Newborns grew to infants who grew to toddlers and into preschoolers. I had three kids before my first one turned five. I changed diapers for seven straight years. But the memory of this time is not as sharp because my journey into sleep deprivation via childbirth stole most of my brain. I do know I loved my time with my babies and toddlers but I really don't think I want to relive those years, although I wouldn't mind a quick snuggle with my babies every so often.

I do know I am happy where I am right now. My kids are the perfect ages ~ even the 15 year old. I am self confident and happy. Life's pretty good here at 42. I have no desire to go back to any other age or stage of my life. Now, maybe when I am 60 or 70 I will look back on these years and think "What I wouldn't do to be 42 again." But I hope not. I hope I can continue to live my life content at the age where I am. I doubt that will happen, though, because I keep telling my kids to slow down and stop growing up. I am sure when they have grown and left the nest I will lament and wish I was 42 again and could relive these times with my kids. So I will say "goodnight" for now because I need to go and enjoy my kiddos while I have them.

Oh, for the love of my children...

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