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Sunday, June 12, 2011

My BUTS

Yesterday I wrote about truth telling. Today, I would like to expand on it just a smidgen more with my "buts."

Recently I sent a Facebook friend request to an old girlfriend from waaaaaay back. We were the best of friends back in the day. She and I spent many hours, days, weeks, months and years together plotting, planning and having a ball. But then we grew up and our friendship grew apart. We each had issues, maybe I had more than she did, but we both had issues which got in the way of trying to mend our friendship. Our friendship ended on some not so great terms. I decided it was time to bury the hatchet and reach out so I sent my friend request with an email letting her know it was my time to let things go. Life is too short, I said, to carry grudges. My friend request sat unanswered and my email had no response. So, I cancelled my friend request.

In the past year or so I have become a huge believer in letting bygones be bygones and burying the hatchet. But, and here is my BUT...I also believe no one should be made to feel like a doormat ~ waiting and waiting and waiting for a response. In the situation I described above I felt like I had put myself out there by reaching out. There was no response so I pulled out. Bygones are bygones and I will let them be BUT I won't be walked on either.

Since I have started my blog I have talked a lot about forgiveness. It is something which is near and dear to my heart. Forgiveness is powerful both when you can give it and when you can receive it. Recently, I received a phone call from someone I hurt very deeply and was also hurt by very deeply. I have apologized to them many times for my behavior since the day it happened. I was told to never contact them again so I stopped trying to apologize. The phone call I received from them was an apology. They wanted my forgiveness for how they treated me but went on to say that my behavior was not forgiven. To me, apologies and forgiveness go hand in hand.

I will forgive when asked. I will apologize when needed but and here is my BUT...I don't feel the need to keep apologizing. To me, having to beg and beg and beg for forgiveness is the sign of an unhealthy and crappy relationship. My apology stands, forever, but again, I won't be walked on.

I believe firmly in telling the truth in life. It is much healthier for all concerned. This is my belief. If someone chooses to play games with me so be it. BUT I don't feel the need to keep a relationship around when it's based on lies and games. I let those relationships go.

These are some of my "BUTS." I am sure there are more BUT I think this is enough controversy for one Sunday. I keep these "buts" close to my heart and hope I am doing my kiddos a service by teaching them to stand up and walk when a relationship is unhealthy. Your buts may be different and I would love to hear them.

Oh, for the love of my children...

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