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Thursday, July 28, 2011

One Of My Biggest Faults

I am a fixer.  I like to fix things, especially relationships.  When a relationship goes bad, I have a want ~ almost a need to try and fix it.  By fixing it, I mean fixing what caused things to go south in the first place.

Glossing over issues and pretending everything is A-OK, doesn't work for me.  I have a need to start at the beginning and go through piece by piece to mend what is wrong. I want to try and fix it. 

To some this may seem like a good thing or even a great thing.  But to others, it is not good.  To the others, it is a fault and a big one at that.  It takes a lot of time, patience and work to get to the root of a problem.  I guess, for the others it's just easier to pretend everything is fine.  The problem is, things never get "fine" by pretending they never happened.  Things can only get worse by pretending and not fixing.   

I never have been good at glossing over something and pretending it never happened.  I wish I could.  For me, I need to dig down and look at what happened from all angles, see what went wrong everywhere.  I start at the beginning and work forward.  Sometimes, I may feel a need to revisit and issue but I truly try and put things to rest once I've gotten to the root of the issue.

Have you ever heard of "Peace Table?"  It's a terrific way to get to the bottom of bad feelings.  It gives everyone at the peace table time to air what's on their mind without the fear of being attacked.  Every person at the peace table gets their time to tell what's on their minds without being interrupted .  Every person has a chance to respond ~ with no name calling, no attacks, and no physical contact.  We've used it many times in our house.  It gives everyone a voice and gets to the root of the issue ~ allowing for a true fix for hurt feelings, bad feelings or problems.  I love the peace table.

You know, even though there are detractors of wanting to work through bad feelings and fix issues in relationships, I will keep my fault.  It helps me grow and feel better about the world around me.  I hope someday my fault can be of help to my kiddos and they can get to the root of problems and grow stronger in their relationships. 

Oh, for the love of my children...

2 comments:

  1. I too am a fixer and want to know why things went bad. Is it something I said or did??? Sometimes I think people like to place their feelings and actions on others leading them to believe they are the ones at fault. Then I am into your discussion on forgiving and forgetting. It is very hard to forget how people made/make you feel and when there is an issue and the other party pretends everything is okay or do not want to discuss issues, then I have concluded it is a pretend friendship/relationship. What are your thoughts? Do I make sense? Love the Peace Table. I do not think this a fault we share, but rather an attribute of caring.

    Karen Hill, friend of Julie's

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  2. Thanks for taking the time to respond, Karen. I think you are so right about the pretend friendship/relationship if issues can't be discussed and are swept away ~ pretending nothing is wrong. You make perfect sense to me. United we stand on remaining the fixers! I look forward to meeting you someday!
    Jenni

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