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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mama Guilt

Yesterday I posted a blog all about Willie Nelson coming into our house the night before and I shared our list of everything we crammed into three short months.  And then I went on facebook...

And I see friend after friend after friend who has posted pictures of their kiddos going back to school!  DAMN!  I forgot!  I forgot to take a picture of Claire as she headed out the door on her last first day of elementary school.  I didn't capture her excitement mingled with her sadness at the thought of this being her last year in elementary school.  I didn't get the image of her standing there in her t-shirt, jean shorts and cowboy boots...topped with a raincoat.  I didn't get the picture...

Couple that with the fact that I didn't say good-bye to Lucas and my mama guilt-o-meter was spinning like crazy.  I didn't give Lucas a hug, tell him I loved him or tell him to have a great day.  Here's the story...

I drove Lucas to school to help him change his schedule and drop off his epi-pen.  It was a crazy, crazy time trying to get into school.  Every parent seemed to be driving their kidsl.  The rain was coming down in buckets which turned all of the kids who are normally walkers into car riders yesterday.  The traffic was insane trying to take the turn into the school.  Lucas kept looking at the clock.  He didn't want to be late for his first day.  He knew he was under the gun from the get-go because he lost his locker combination and needed to get a replacement in his homeroom class so he could put his backpack in his locker.  New rules are in effect this year ~ no backpacks are allowed in classes they have to be stored in the kids' lockers. Lucas didn't want to be out of compliance on the first day, I told him to run to homeroom, get his locker combination, stow his stuff and meet me back down in the counselor's office.  I completed my task with the counselors ~ no sign of Lucas.  I walk next door to the clinic to turn in his epi-pen.  Finished there too ~ still no sign of Lucas.  I hung out in the hallway for a few minutes hoping he would reappear but no luck so I headed back out in the torrential downpour without saying good-bye to my little blond boy.

Mama guilt sucks so to assuage (great word, huh?) my guilt I made sure to take my camera to capture Claire as she came off the bus on her last first day of elementary school and I made sure to hug Lucas extra tight to make up for my hugging lapse in the morning.

Oh, for the love of my children...

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