I just let out the biggest sigh as I sit here thinking about Lucas...
God love him. I don't know whether to shake him until his teeth rattle or hug him so tightly that he can't breathe...sometimes I want to do both. Today is one of those days.
Fridays always have me in a good mood. It's the beginning of the weekend. I'm happy thinking about the kids' weekend activities. I'm excited to sleep in on Saturday. I want to make the most of my weekends. But the biggest reason I'm in a good mood on Fridays is simply because ~ it's Friday, for goodness sake and who isn't happy on a Friday?
Since I am in a good mood on Fridays I try to convey that to the kids as they come in the door after school.
I heard Lucas open the door to the house. I heard him say "Hi" to Stan as he made his way up the stairs. I hid behind a wall so I could jump out and hug Lucas as he came trooping up the stairs. I was excited to see my little blond boy. I was also tickled at the thought of getting a little scare out of Lucas as I jumped out and yelled "HI LUCAS!!"
My trick fell flat. Lucas didn't jump. He just came upstairs, laid his head briefly on my shoulder and cruised into his room. Hmmmmmm....
Detective Mom didn't have to do too much digging to find out Lucas had a really bad day. "I got in trouble today," Lucas said. Uh-oh. That ain't good!
"What did you do," I asked. I heard mumbles as he opened his back pack and then I saw the sealed envelope. You know the one I mean. The sealed envelope that comes home from school with the words "To the parent of..." written across the front.
Well, SHIT! This isn't the way I want to start my Friday afternoon.
As I reached for the letter Lucas says to me in a whisper "Mom, can we please, please not tell Dad about this?" His eyes are washed in tears and his chin is trembling. Sorry kiddo, that's not the way it works in this house. Mom and Dad are on the same page...no secret keeping.
I finish reading the letter as I walk into Stan's office. Stan puts out his hand before I round the corner. He reads. We talk. Lucas is called to the carpet to atone for his sins.
I have never seen Lucas so upset and nervous as he was standing in Stan's office. Part of me wanted to go and scoop him up and just hug him. Part of me wanted to strangle him for acting like a dunce. And part of me wanted to burst out laughing at the sheer idiocy of what he did.
His behavior the past few weeks has me scratching my head...the (almost) 13 year old hormones are kicking in and errors in judgement are rising to the surface. What he did to get himself into trouble is neither here nor there. In the grand scheme of life it's not such a big deal. In the grand scheme of growing up and making good decisions it is a big deal.
I seem to remember Zach acting goofy and having major lapses in judgement around this same time and sometimes stretching into the present.
I guess I'll just have to buckle my seatbelt, sit back and "enjoy" the ride Lucas is going to give me, because sometimes I can't live with him but I definitely can't live without any of him ~ or any of them.
Oh, for the love of my children....