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Friday, January 27, 2012

Failed

I just got the phone call home the other day.  Lucas failed.  The school nurse called to tell me he failed his vision screening with his glasses on...twice.

She was not too nice about it ~ kinda bitchy as a matter of fact.  I was immediately put on the defensive when she asked, in a high and mighty tone, when the last time Lucas had been to see an eye doctor.  We are all over it when it comes to Lucas and his vision.  I've been through the wringer with Lucas and his eyes ever since kindergarten.  Kindergarten was when we figured out Lucas' vision is beyond bad...not only can he not see well, he also had a lazy eye, causing even more problems.  My guilt was at an all time high, way back then, when I realized my little blond boy couldn't see so I have made sure, without fail, to get Lucas to the best eye doctors in our area.  And the bitchy, condescending tone of the school nurse's voice set my teeth on edge, like fingernails down a chalkboard.

So today was our trip to the eye doctor to make sure nothing was wrong.  It's been less than a year since he saw our beloved optometrist.  So I didn't think anything was wrong, but I couldn't be 100% sure.  I sat there with Lucas as Dr. Billmayer ran his eyes through the wringer.  And I have to say my heart sank every now and again as she took him step by step through certain eye tests.  "Are you sure there are two rows of letters, Lucas?" she asked at one point.  "Can you see the letters on the top row of the eye chart ~ the biggest letters?" she went on to ask.  Both answers were no.  I knew the answers were supposed to be "Yes," but Lucas couldn't give her a yes.  He could only give her a  no...I wondered and wondered again if he was truly losing his eye sight and my heart ached for my little blond boy.

When the exam was finally over, Dr. Billmayer turned to me and said "his prescription hasn't changed at all.  His right eye is just not correctable beyond 20/50 even with his glasses on."  I was beyond relieved to hear that his vision isn't failing and that I didn't fail Lucas again.  But my heart still hurts to know that Lucas will never have eyesight in his right eye that is anything remotely perfect.

I have the letter to the school nurse, which shows that Lucas, and his eyes, are well taken care of and loved. Thankfully.  He may have failed his vision screening but I'll be damned if I'm going to fail him again.  And I think I made that perfectly clear to the nurse when we spoke the other day.  I will do whatever I can for the love of my children...

 

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