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Sunday, March 25, 2012

Being Scared

There is not much in life I am truly afraid of...snakes don't bother me much.  I'm not afraid of ghosts, well only a little.  Rats are fine, we had three as pets.  I know some people are afraid of clowns but they don't do much to scare me.  I'm not afraid to stand up to bullies so I'm not afraid of them.  There is truly not too much that scares me.  Only spiders have the power to terrify me. And last night, for just one small minute.

Last night I took Claire with a group of her friends and their mamas (and two dads) to see "The Hunger Games."  We had a fabulous time.  Dinner was delicious.  The company was killer and the movie was marvelous.  After the movie ended and we headed back to reality, we saw the rain pouring down.  I did a small happy dance, knowing Claire, her friend and I would have to do a dash to the car in the rain.  I love running in the rain.  It's exhilarating to run through the rain on a warm night.  I don't care if my hair gets wet and messy.  My clothes can be washed, my shoes will dry and I won't melt ~ as we all know, I may be sweet but I'm certainly not made of sugar.  One of my friends tried to convince me to catch a ride with them to my car, but my mind was made up...the girls and I were running for it, through the night rain and to our car.  Good-byes were said, hugs were given and we were off and running.

As we approached the TRVLN ZU I pushed the remote to open the car and the doors so we could just slide in and get moving home.  It was 11 o'clock and I was ready to snuggle in for the night.  The driver's side of the car was facing us so Molly and I tumbled into that side and Claire ran around to the passenger side.  The buttons were pushed so the rear doors would slide shut.  Claire's side shut easily but the door for Molly opened midway through the cycle.  I pushed the button again and got the door to close all of the way.  It was then that Claire said "Mom, the rear window is gone!"  Gone?  What?  How??  I was confused but in a moment of clarity it hit me.  SHIT!  I turned around to see the window behind Molly shattered and gone.  SHIT again!

It was then I realized I was more than a little scared.  It was a very brief moment of being scared but it was there...because I was the one in charge.  I had the two girls' safety to worry about.  We were in a well lit parking lot, in one of the most populated areas in all of Richmond, with lots of activity swirling around us, but what if the person who broke the window was hiding somewhere?  What then?  I knew it was up to me to keep the girls calm.  Zach told me after the earthquake last summer that I was the one who scared the shit out of him when I told him to "get out of the house NOW!" as the ground shook violently and the house rattled ominously.  I knew I needed to stay calm this time.  My first task...call Stan.  My second task was to get out of the van to make sure there was no one lurking.  I'm not exactly sure what my plan was if I found somebody but I needed to know what I was dealing with...a little scared or not it was my responsibility to keep the girlies safe.

Maybe I took some bravado lessons from Katniss from "The Hunger Games" but I felt a sense of calm come over me and I knew I could handle the events however they would unfold.  911 was called.  Stan was on standby if I needed him.  But ultimately the situation was in my hands and I knew I could handle it.  The girls were in great spirits and kept the mood light, never knowing for one little second that I felt anything but in control.

I truly don't like being scared and I am glad last night's fear came and went quickly...now if I could just get over the absolute terror I feel when  see a spider.

Oh, for the love of my children....

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