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Friday, June 15, 2012

The last day


 Today is the last day my baby girl will be an elementary schooler.  My heart is heavy and filled with guilt.  You see, I am not there to greet her as she steps off the bus for the last time.  I was there for both boys.  But I won't be there for Claire.

I try to live life with my kids so there are no regrets.  I know, in the grand scheme of things, this won't be a deal breaker for Claire as she grows up.  But right, now my guilt is winning the battle of "no regrets."

I'm trying hard not to think about the tears Claire will be shedding as she steps off the bus for the last time, knowing I'm leaving her in capable hands.  Stan will be there waiting for her as she steps off the bus.  And ultimately, that may be better for her.  She will have to buck up just a little.  Stan's not as coddling of her when it comes to her life's upheavals.  He's also not quite as emotionally invested in Claire's elementary school days as I am.  He didn't spend years of his life in and out of Rivers Edge.  That wasn't his role.  So, I'm thinking maybe it's a good thing I'm not there.  Claire can have her cry without having to see my teas too. 

It may be Claire's last day as an elementary schooler but it's her first day in a brand new adventure...one for which she is more than prepared.  She's ready to take the next step ~ to accept the new challenges of a school that will push her a little harder academically.  I'm hoping that someday, she will look back on this last day and smile...knowing it really wasn't a last of anything but a first day in a new adventure.

I'm hoping someday I get there too...for the love of my children...

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