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Monday, April 15, 2013

I'm Pissed Off and Scared Shitless

Years ago, when the kids were babies I remember so vividly wanting them to leap frog over that first year.  I never wanted anything more for them than to know they were safe from the dangers of SIDS.  I wanted to wish away that first year and get them into what I considered the "safety zone."

Rarely, if ever, since then have I wished my children's time away, but I find myself doing it now.  And it's pissing me off.  You know me well enough to know that I don't want to wish a single second of my kids' time with me away, but in this instance I don't feel I have a choice.  I want them to be whisked from their time of innocence all the way through to their time where they are loved and cherished by someone like Stan loves and cherishes me.  I want them in the safety zone of adulthood.

The stories in the news lately have set me on edge. The stories of girls being sexually assaulted and raped by boys as others take pictures and post them on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and Snap Chat for the world to see have me in their grip.  Girls whose lives are now in shambles because their bodies were violated in a disgusting manner by their peers.  They were violated and no one stood up for them.  I can't imagine the grief, loneliness and isolation those girls must have felt once their pictures circulated through their schools and their friends.  Two of these girls have gone on to commit suicide.  I. Can't. Even. Imagine.  I want to whisk my kids through this period of adolescence so they are "safe" in the world of adults.

Claire.

She's my daughter.  My sweet, baby girl.  She's the one I worry about the most.  What's the saying about daughters and sons?  I think it goes something like "With sons I only have to worry about one dick but with daughters...."  Yes.  With daughters I have to worry about all of the dicks (and I don't mean just  the appendage.  I mean dick ~ as in the asshole who treats a girl like shit!).  I have so much more to worry about with Claire.  And I'm scared shitless for her.

The boys.

I'm scared shitless for them too.  They have a huge responsibility on their shoulders.  I will hold them accountable and responsible for making sure girls are treated with respect and never violated if they are around.  Their job is big and I hope they can handle it.  But it scares me like nothing else in life ever has.

Here's the thing....

Kids are dumb.  They're even more dumb when they drink alcohol or take drugs.  They think they're invincible.  They're not.  They're just dumb kids who need parents to teach them right from wrong.  And I think some of the kids are not getting the lesson.  And it's pissing me off.

I just want my kids to magically hyperspace through this time.

I know they can't.  I know they have to live through it.  And I know I have to help them.  But it doesn't stop me from being scared shitless.

Here's another thing...

I said above kids need parents to teach them right from wrong and some kids aren't getting the lesson.  Some parents aren't teaching the lesson or believing the lesson themselves.

And I'll give you an example...

Sometimes the smartest men say the dumbest things which help perpetuate the fallacy of right and wrong.  Some smart men I know actually believe "well, maybe it was consensual" when it came to the girls who were violated.  OK, maybe it started out consensual but once she passed out and pictures started being taken it was no longer consensual it was rape.  Pure and simple.  It was a violation of her body.  It's HER body.  It isn't anybody else's body.  It's a HER body and her body was violated by boys who weren't taught that their rights end where HER body begins.  I don't care if she was drunk and passed out.  Those boys should have been taught to keep their hands to themselves and their dicks in their pants if a girl can't actively participate in ANY sexual encounter.  Period.  End of story.  Hands to themselves and dicks in their pants.  They never learned that lesson.

Here's another dumb thing smart men sometimes say...."She shouldn't have been wearing that.  She was asking for it."  REALLY?!?  What effing planet are you from?  You think a girl ASKS to get raped by wearing certain things??  Give me an effing break...Let's go back to the rule above.  Keep your hands to yourself and your dick in your pants unless she wants you, tells you that she wants you and is lucid when she says it.  We are not a country that should EVER require our females to wear burqas.

Let me rephrase the above rule...

"Your rights end where my body begins."

End. Of. Story.

Now, I'm not letting the girl off scott free.  She has to be taught early that protecting herself is of the utmost importance.  She has to realize she is ultimately responsible for taking care of herself.  She can't put herself in dangerous situations.  That will be my job to teach Claire.  You all have heard my story.  I am a survivor.  I will teach my daughter well.  But know, I never asked for it.  I didn't dress provocatively.  The only thing I did was to walk home alone at two in the morning.  And that was my fault.  I didn't take my safety seriously enough.  I will ensure Claire does. It will be my responsibility to teach Claire to keep herself and her girlfriends safe.  I will go to the ends of the earth to teach her how important that is.

I will also teach my boys what to do if they ever see a girl being violated like the girls in the news.  Those poor girls.  They are somebody's sister.  They are somebody's daughter.  They are loved, just like Claire.  One day those girls will, hopefully, grow up to be mothers.  I want my boys to see these girls as they are and as they will grow to be.  They deserve boys' protection and respect.  I don't care if they're passed out on the bed.  They are a sister, a friend, a daughter, a human.  They deserve dignity and respect.  I expect my boys will ensure a girl has both of those things.

I'm scared shitless I'm going to fail in all of what I want to teach my kids.  And I'm pissed off.  Here I am, wishing my kiddos into adulthood because of the dicks of the teenage world.  I have a huge job ahead of me.  I hope you all will join me in being pissed off and scared shitless.  I need your help.  I don't want to wish my kiddos, or any of our kiddos', adolescence away.  I don't want them to leap-frog over their teenage years.  I want them to be safe.  I want them to grow up to be fabulous adults who pass these lessons down to their own children.

For the love of all of our children....



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