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Monday, March 24, 2014

I'd give anything

The other day we were sitting around talking about the last few weeks at our house. From the chaos of my dad's heart attack to Lucas's surgery to Claire's surgery and her illness, it's been a crazy-stressful time around here. As we were all talking I was told, "Just be thankful you don't have little ones anymore and you don't have to worry about fevers. So and So's little one had a fever while they were on vacation. Now that is stressful." I'm not going to take anything away from the stress of little ones with fevers, but that statement struck a nerve with me because at this point, I do anything to deal with little ones and fevers. 

I'd give anything to sit and rock my babies, comforting them as we rocked and rocked and rocked away their sicknesses. Instead I send one of my big ones into the shower alone after knee surgery and hope and pray he doesn't stumble and fall, ripping open his incision or his stitches in the process. 

I'd give anything to snuggle with my little ones when they needed a little extra loving. But instead, I stroke their hair and try to offer what comfort I can when they get sick after their general anesthesia begins to wear off and the nausea settles in. 

I'd give anything to have a little one with a fever instead of a big one with a broken heart. 

I'd give anything to be able to sit in a rocking chair and read a favorite book instead of having everyone go their separate ways after dinner. 

At this point, I'd give anything to smell the sweet innocence of a baby fresh out of the tub instead the pungent aroma of bag full of smelly lacrosse, hockey or swim gear. 

Right now, I'd give anything to hold one of my babies instead of thinking about graduation day.

Today, I'd give anything to sit and croon to my babies, trying desperately to make them feel better when they're sick. Instead I wonder and worry who will take care of Zach when he gets sick at college next year. Who will be there to make him feel better? It won't be me.

I'd give anything to not worry about my dad and his health and all that life, as part of the sandwich generation, is throwing at me. I'd give anything to turn back the clock to a time when he was healthy and vibrant and thriving, instead of seeing him frail, small and always cold. 

Right  now, I'd give anything to have a little one with a fever in my arms. Life goes too fast. And I'd give anything to rewind, just for a week, a day or even a minute. 

I'd give anything...for the love of my children...

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