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Monday, April 27, 2015

I've Failed

Dear Darlings,

I know this is a letter many parents would want to write to their children, if they could. I know many parents have felt the way I'm feeling right now. I feel like I've failed you, and I want to say I'm sorry I didn't do the right thing for you from the beginning. 

The truth is, though, I thought I could handle your problem on my own. I didn't want to admit that I needed someone to help me help you. I wanted my words and my counsel to be enough for you. But it wasn't and now I have to be the one to find a way to fix what's broken. I have to find someone who can work with us to help you. 

It's going to take time and patience to get back to a place where I don't feel like I failed you. It's not going to be an easy road. I hope you can forgive me. I hope all kids can forgive their parents for their shortcomings. I hope all parents can ask for forgiveness when they need to. I want nothing more than for all of my darlings to understand that we, as parents, are only human and sometimes we screw up. And sometimes we fail. 

Darlings, please know that I never intended to let you down, or make things harder for you. I just didn't realize that I needed more than my own counsel. I needed more than what I could provide. You all aren't little anymore. Mama hugs, love and magic band aids don't always fix what's broken anymore. I know that now. 

I'll probably screw up and fail you again, but please know I do absolutely everything in life for the love of my children...


Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Dear Darlings

A few weeks ago I posted a blog where I talked about how hard is it to write blogs regarding the kids personal stories and their privacy. At 16 years and four months, Lucas became the proud bearer of his driver's license, not just his permit where we have to be sitting in the passenger seat beside him, but his full, freedom-giving driver's license. The two pieces of the story collided and made me realize how much I enjoy writing about their lives, their milestones, their achievements and their struggles, but I know how important their own privacy is to them. So I'm reworking and tweaking my blog to try to balance the two forces pulling me. I also found out I have a number of young readers. I know them and I love them all dearly. I couldn't be happier to have them all here with us. I want them to feel welcome and at home, now more than ever, because these precious teen years fly by faster than a speeding bullet, and they are more powerful than a locomotive...wait, never mind, that's Superman, but you get the idea. Anyway, I found I now have a new path to follow and a new direction to go.

I want to talk to my younger readers as much as my contemporaries. I think I have a way. It's called Dear Darlings. I will write letters similar to the ones I've written to my kiddos but they will be all encompassing. They will be written to all of my darlings, not just my three. Yes, it may be unsolicited advice, but it'll from deep within this mama's heart...

I'll start with a letter to all of the newly anointed drivers out there.

Dear Darlings,

Zach got his license to drive nearly three years ago. Not long after his huge milestone I put together four rules for my kiddos. I used to recite them every time Zach left the house. Now, I merely have to say, "Remember my four rules." He may roll his eyes but I hope he knows I tell him to remember my rules out of pure, motherly love.

Here they are.

1. Never drink and drive. Ever. Period. End of story.

2. Don't get into a car with a driver who has been drinking. Call me. I'll come and pick you up.

3. Don't do drugs. 'Nuff said.

4. If you're going to be sexually active, protect yourself. Always.

Now that Lucas, the one I still see pictured as the little blond boy to the left, is a recently minted driver, with newly found freedom, I'm going add a few more rules. I know there is a whole new crop of you out there who are looking to get your licenses soon. These are exciting times for you, but more full of responsibility than you will realize until you are a parent and going through this same adventure.

1. No texting and driving. Ever. It's the law and it's dangerous for you and those around you. Just don't do it.

2. No talking on your phone and driving. This is the law until you're eighteen.

3. No more than one friend in the car with you until you're eighteen. Those dang laws, they're pesky but are there for your protection.

4. Pay attention to the situations around you. Not everyone else is paying attention. It's up to you to keep yourself safe. Do it.

These are my rules for the safety and love of all my children...