"I'm just so busy."
Recently I received an email response from a mom with whom I will be volunteering at an event we both signed up to coordinate. I suggested that we get together to go over the jobs we'll have to tackle to ensure this event runs smoothly. Her response was something along the lines of..."I run activities for two kids and also a full time job so my schedule is unbelievably crazy!" What I read in her words were, "I'm too busy and too important to make time to meet with you. My time is far too valuable to waste on getting together."
Maybe I misread her words, but I don't think I did.
And I'm pretty sure she didn't misread my response, which was, "I think it's safe to assume those of us with multiple children, doing multiple things are always crazy-busy."
You make time for what is important, and if you can't make time maybe it shouldn't be on your list of priorities. End of story.
At this point, I'm going to morph this post a little. Yes, I'm irritated with the mom who signed up to take on as much responsibility as I did and didn't think it was important enough to get together to hash out details of what our jobs entail, but I think this is part of a much bigger thing in our life pictures...
I have a friend who knew I was going through a rough patch of time after my dad died and before Zach left for school. Her schedule is as crazy as they come, but she said, "I will always make time for you. Coffee, lunch, a glass of wine. I will always find time in my schedule for you." She put me on the top of her priority list, and still does. I couldn't imagine life without her.
I had another friend who used to make plans and cancel, make plans and cancel. She would say, "I'm sorry I can't meet with you today. Putting one more thing in my day is too stressful." I was her stressor. I wasn't at the top of her priority list. And that's okay. I don't want to live my life worried that getting together with me causes another person stress. In the end, when she said, "I'm sorry we couldn't meet." I responded with, "That's okay. I knew it wasn't going to happen." I didn't say it with a hint of sadness or acrimony. It just wasn't a friendship that was meant to last.
So my darlings, always stick with those who put you at the top of your priority list. When you make time for people, and they for you, you are showing them how valuable they are to you. Always remember...actions speak louder than words (sometimes both speak at the same time and the cacophony can't be silenced). Make time for those who treat you with respect, who make time for you, who lift you up, and let the others go.
As to the mom who will be volunteering with me soon and is so busy, I'll tell you this...I made time for something I think is important. It'll be a busy weekend, but that was part of the job description. I want it this event to run like clockwork, and because of that it will. I will ensure the jobs are fulfilled, with or without you. I won't let the busyness you profess foil my plans.
Oh, for the love of all my children...